Saturday, November 6, 2010

Planting Iris Seeds!

Today I planted iris seeds! There are a few things that probably bear explaining before I delve in, so here they are:

1) Anatomy of an Iris.

Each iris has three falls (petals that bend down), three standards (petals that go up around the center of the iris), three stamens covered in pollen, and three stigmatic lips, each with a style crest. On each fall is a beard, which can vary greatly in color from the rest of the flower (or not).


2) Where Iris Seeds Come From.

Tall bearded iris have both "male" and "female" parts on each flower - three stamens (male) and three stigmatic lips (female). To cross-pollenate or hybridize iris, you rub the pollen of one on the stigmatic lip on another. This can also be done within the same flower, but that is a bit incestuous and not nearly as exciting. To cross-pollenate, I simply pluck a stamen with tweezers and take it to whatever flower I want to cross it with and rub away. I do this with all 3 stamens and stigmatic lips for the 2 flowers to increase the chances of success. A successful cross-pollenation will result in a seedpod growing from the portion of the bloomstalk where the cross-pollenated flower was located.

Note: In nature, cross-pollenation occurs when insects get pollen on their tiny toes and then land on the stigmatic lip. Several problems are associated with relying on this "natural" process: 1) insects do not label their cross-pollenations, 2) they really don't care which cross-pollenations might result in the most aesthetically pleasing result, and 3) they don't cross-pollenate three times to up the chances of success.

The seedpod takes a certain amount of time to mature on the bloomstalk - a couple of months, mayhap? Sometimes a dog might break the seedpod off the stalk before it's ready, thus rendering your hard work and tender attention to the flower completely futile. But sometimes not, and when the seedpod begins to split open or turn brown it's safe to snap it off and dissect it to extract the seeds. You then let the seeds dry out. You can plant them soon after this, or hold on to them for years.

Plenty of cross-pollenations don't work, or "take", for no reason that I can discern. Less than half of my attempts are successful. If I had to guess, maybe 1/4 of my crosses yield a seedpod. That might be a generous estimate. Estimates are difficult for me. ("How old were you?" "Uh, 10? 11? 12?" "How many people were there?" "Mmm......" "How many pumpkin seeds do you think this is?" "Mmm, 240." "Close, 590.")

[Having a hard time finding a good snap of a seedpod. I'll continue digging through the several computers my pics are scattered across to find one.]

Back to the excitement of planting! Last time I had iris seeds, I planted them and eagerly awaited. I got one seed to sprout little iris leaves out of all the seeds I planted. I don't know if it was the weather or just the fragility of the tiny plant, but it didn't make it longer than a month or so once it grew leaves. Interestingly, each seed in a seedpod can yield a different combination of genes from the cross-pollenation, similar to fraternal twins. Typical seedpod yield might be about 30 seeds, so 30 different flowers are possible! You can imagine my disappointment when every single one doesn't sprout, since each has the potential to be beautifully unique.

This year, after drying out the seeds from the 3 seedpods I got this season, I took half from each seedpod and soaked them in water to return them to their original state, fresh out of seedpod. Somewhere on the internet I read that they need a cold snap before they can germinate in the ground. Since this is Texas, and I'm impatient, I followed the internet's lead and put these soaked seeds in baggies in a wet paper towel (not unlike we all did with pinto beans from the ages of 4-11), carefully labeled them, and placed them in the veggie crisper drawer. A few months later (read: today!) I took 'em out and planted them in organic potting soil in plastic window boxes.

The quality is crap, but here's the size difference between dried-out seeds, and seeds soaked in water or freshly out of a seedpod:

Their time in the crisper drawer should help them to germinate more quickly once in soil, so I'll keep a close eye on them over the next month. I'm hoping the time in the fridge didn't somehow ruin them, although since the internet is never wrong this is patently impossible. I'm planning to plant some of the dry seeds (the other half of the seeds in each seedpod) before we get our first real freeze to see how God's cold snap compares to man's in effectiveness. My money's on man.

The SP on the marker means Seed Parent, and PP means Pollen Parent. Seed parent is the one that grows the pod, or the one the pollen is rubbed on, and pollen parent is the flower from which the pollen was plucked.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hold out your hand, say please.

Porter in hand. Cat napping on the bed with me. Room a mess.

Things I'm thinking about:
Cuddle rape
Cleaning my room
Headache from hairband
Fun new people from dinner
The feasibility of my argument for the existence of the Loch Ness Monster
Cabbits vs. lynxes
Skype
Failing

Addressed below in order of appearance:

Cuddle Rape

Not a fun (or socially acceptable) thing.

Cleaning My Room
Desperately, disparagingly needs to happen. I often self-assess and think "wow, I would feel a lot more together and in-control if only my room was tidy." I should do that. I will do that! I wish I could do that tomorrow, but I've promised myself for drinks. I should promise myself for drinks less. I'd get much more done and feel much better. About life, togetherness, and money. See below.

Headache from Hairband
I got beautiful feather hairbands and they are all tight enough to cause me physical pain.

Fun New People from Dinner
I guess there was only one new person at dinner. No, two. I liked them both. One more than the other. She understood when I told her I have a really hard time not texting people I want to hang out with. Over-inviting. I really like hanging out with some people! It's nice to find people who understand that, though I was mildly embarrassed when she mentioned that "will power had never been a problem for her."

The feasibility of my argument for the existence of the Loch Ness Monster

It was brought to my attention quite abruptly yesterday that my argument for the existence of Nessie maaay not be as sound as I'd hoped, and perhaps I've been unjustly resting on my laurels. Here's what, until yesterday, I believed to be a solid case for her:

When whatever the fuck killed all the dinosaurs happened upon the earth, be it giant comet or hot hot heat wave, it didn't affect whatever type of dinosaur lives in Loch Ness because they were underwater at the time. There is a whole colony of still-living water-dwelling dinosaurs living in Loch Ness at present, they are just very sneaky and do not like being photographed (didn't you see that movie?).


Hmm... upon further examination, it appears that I am a champion of science. I should push this argument on a global scale.

Cabbits vs. Lynxes
New dinner friend said lynxes are cats with rabbit feet. And that her cat is 1/2 lynx. Maybe at some point I will research this, when I am done being simultaneously embarrassed of believing cabbits to be real for years, and glad for the childlike wonderment (gullability, some might say) that allowed me to not question it for a moment.

Skype
Frustration soundddd. Perhaps this is normal or perhaps I have severe Skype performance anxiety. Beforehand, I think about what in my life is interesting enough to present to the other party as newsworthy. I run through a few things that I want to be sure to hit on during the conversation. Important things swirling around my head that must be imparted. Sometimes when I'm pre-Skype thinking, I articulate one of my thoughts in the most perfect way, and think of how I must, must be sure to not forget that one.
This conversation will be their knowledge of my life, the sole impression, of how things are going for me, of how I'm progressing, of how loosely or tightly I have my shit together, until we "Skype" again. That is pressure.
Add to that history, nervousness, and a knack for articulating thoughts in a manner far inferior to how they were before you went and ruined them with words, and you've got a really difficult form of communication.
But I'll take it any day. It's refreshing, and once you hit stride, even if it takes a little while, it's fun and feels normal. And nice, very very nice.

Failing in General
Credit card is a giant mess of fail right now when I was so tangibly close to being done with it. I make plenty of money to live and pay bills and do social things within reason. I become furious with myself about money, daily. I must change that.
School hasn't happened yet for me this semester. I must change that too.

And, my iris are dwindling. I divided them this year and they are looking defeated. To be expected, since they went from big clusters to much smaller go-aloners, but it'd give me much more peace if they'd just perk up and be super green and lush, though I s'pose that's a bit uncharacteristic for FALL (quickly becoming a contender for my favorite season, right up there with Summer, Spring, and Winter. Must I pick?).
Anyway, hope they hop-to by the spring. Disappoint may well abound if they, and I, miss a season of blooms.



Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I have needs.

Many are the normal kind. The need to be told I'm funny. The need for people to leave me alone. Conversely, the need for people to quit ignoring me. The need to not be the only one maintaining a friendship. The need to take a hot bath daily. The need to clean my room. The need to feng shui my apartment like now. The need to know. The need to know more than the need-to-know.

But most prominent among my many, super normal needs are my communication needs. I have them. Lots of them. They may not be rational, but they are there. And a real thing. Respect. Or just accept. That's fine too.

On the whole, it's a fair statement to say that rarely are my communication needs met in their entirety. I won't say never, because I don't agree with the word never on principle. I feel it might be helpful to be able to send prospective communication partners a quick link to my needs, and then they can assess from there whether they're ready to "make the plunge." Ergo:

The Most Basic Communication Protocol Ever Written That Should Be Respected and Adhered to by All Who Wish to Be Friends or More-Than-Friends With Me and Probably the Rest of the World In General for Ease And Consistency.

Texting.
  1. Texts telling me we "need to talk soon" will forever be stressful. Also, if you start a textfrontation and then say "doing this in text is silly," that is dumb.
  2. I promise I never mean to be mean in texts. Just expressive! Promise. I have a lot of feelings (that I do my best to express in person so hopefully this is a non-issue).
  3. If you are going to send me a "K" response, just don't respond.
  4. Respond to all texts that merit response with something that is not "K", and is preferably at least minimally amusing. Please note: all of my texts merit response. I can't help it that I'm full of important, response-worthy shit to say.
  5. Do not get weird about me double-texting you. It happens, especially when I think of the hilarious thing I forgot to say.
  6. It's okay to double-text me.
  7. Please no "Are you home?" texts. It feels like a trap. Every time.
  8. Adorable, cute, sexy, and beautiful are welcomed and encouraged in any text.
  9. "Not tonight, sorry" is not.
Phone calls.
  1. I don't like 'em. Notable exceptions: when I initiate them (or at least anticipate them)* or when they are from foreign lands. *I reserve the right to quit liking at any time.
  2. Sometimes, you might think my phone does certain things... that it might not do. For example, answering calls, receiving calls, and delivering voicemails are all things that my phone may opt out of by and by. It's out of my control.
Facebook Messages.
  1. If you text me something, sending me a Facebook message later saying the exact same thing is strange. Very much so.
Face-to-Face Communication.
  1. THE BEST. Every time. We can do that pretty much anytime you want. But please be good at not talking about yourself the whole time. And please be a good listener. I will never love you (friend or more-than-friend) if you can't listen.
Things I Love.
  1. I want everyone to love the things I love. This includes people, awesome Youtube vids, activities, music, animals, etc. You must love and reference them often.
Chatty Things.
  1. Gchat - there are only a few people I care to chat with on Gchat (read: one). If you are not them, sawreeee. Maybe let's not Gchat (unless, of course, I initiate!)
  2. FBchat - there are several of you. You know who you are.
  3. Skype - I usually don't realize I'm signed in on my phone. And also, I only have 4 contacts. Skype is not a major contender in my realm of communications.
Other Notes.
  1. Sagittarius = big on communication. Communication is what some might call "a thing" for me. I think about it a lot. Spare me some angst and adhere to protocol.
Also, I put some iris seeds in the veggie crisper drawer of the fridge sometime last month. More on that later.









Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Ruh roh!

I think I did it wrong:


A more telling close-up:


Whatever. They'll bounce back...maybe. I remember last time I divided my iris I went what some might call "overboard", rinsing off all the root systems and leaving them out in the sun for an indeterminate period of time because I got bored with/tired of planting them.

Finally returned The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to Redbox. Cost me $12 to not finish that movie. I tried at least six times. I think I need to re-rent it. At this point I feel very invested in the completion of that film.

Also, please note the coolest photo effect I've seen in a while:


Too fun. And it makes my new hair-do look so sporty! (So far I've been called ballsy, brave, and "I like your short hair by the way.") I inevitably spend too much time on web cam when boss is out of town, and I must work very hard to resist putting web cam pics as my Facebook default at risk of being "that girl." Sorry I'm most photogenic when I'm the one taking the pictures...

And just for fun:
Thank God this came along. I'd been waiting for the day my eyelashes would grow so long that I need to TRIM THEM.

Embarking on a much-needed long weekend to Florida this weekend. Then I'll come back to reality and have some moments of truth with calculus. If I don't pass, I'm saving money until the end of the year and then moving to Italy until I run out. Or all over Europe. Or New Zealand. Or Portugal. Or Japan. Wherever my heart moves me, and the stars (exchange rate) align in my favor. :)

EDIT: I caved. Webcam pic is now facebook pic. Why do I even try...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Division

I am overly ambitious when it comes to days of working outside. I rediscover this each time I go to divide my irises, and somehow forget over the next three years. As such, I have retreated from the yard to play on the internet.

I started today by digging up most all of the iris. The ones in the front planters, and in the back. I skipped only one planter, owing to a menacing labyrinth of lantana of the sort that no one should have to deal with on God's day.

Then I got to the dividing. Each iris rhizome will bloom once, and then spend the rest of its days growing new rhizomes rather than blooming. So you end up with big clumps of iris, with the old, non-blooming ones in the middle and the fresh new ones on the outside:



Sometimes, you end up with really cool shapes, like a crawdad:



So I dig up all the clumps, and I carefully remove any gross smushy rhizomes overcome by soft rot, and I carefully slice each rhizome away from the mass, and I end up with 30 rhizomes from just a couple clumps.

And then the stress sets in:

How am I going to fit all these back in the planters?

I'm supposed to space them out so they can stretch as they grow, how will I ever manage this with 30 of them?

I could give some away.

I begin to make a Craigslist ad offering up the extras to a good home, but I cannot bring myself to publish it - what if the ones I keep for myself never bloom again?

Then I will horribly regret my generosity.

I could plant them all close together.

But then how will they grow new rhizomes on the sides?

They will not have enough room!


It does not help that, while I attempt to throw all my energies at my tangential cycle of crazy, my dog is stealing my water bottles, ingesting my "granola bar"* wrappers, and trying to run away with the future of my iris garden.

So I've come inside in a sweet avoidance manuever. I'm debating watching The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It would be my third attempt. First try, I fell asleep 5 minutes in. Second try, I fell asleep 10 minutes in, but awoke several times, each time to a different, progressively more disturbing rape scene.

On second thought, maybe a nap is in order.


*I quote because I'm not sure one can rightfully refer to a chocolate chip granola bar dipped in chocolate as simply a granola bar. It seems to me that the market interested in granola, and the market interested in chocolate-dipped things, are very distinct. Some might say mutually exclusive. The existence of this food item baffles me, and mildly repulses me. Regrettably, not enough to abstain.